We use the phrase "meet people where they are" a lot in political organizing.
What it means is, if somebody's not a natural with people, say, for instance they're neurodiverse or neurospicy, you don't send them out knocking on doors, but there are yard signs to deliver, postcards to be written.
Older folks with bad knees can't canvass much, but they sure do love phone banking, and they'll happily talk to strangers for hours.
Everyone has something to bring to the table, basically, if you calibrate accordingly, and meet them where they are.
I try to think about that a lot in my daily life too, when working with clients and coworkers.
So I really don't have a good reason why I didn't keep it in mind with you.
Possibly some of it was just misreading your situation; you're such a sweet and agreeable person by nature, I really didn't think I was getting in the way of your life, your time and your commitments.
Or maybe I wasn't misreading anything, and you lack (lacked) the same self control when it comes to me that I tend to lack with you.
Maybe I just didn't ask enough.
I promised you back at the cabin that we would take things slow, and to me that meant purely holding back on the physical side, but I realize now, that isn't the only thing that needed to be taken slow, in fact I might have had it backwards.
I needed to ease into your life, like lowering myself into a hot bath.
And I didn't, mostly because the hot water still felt pretty good, I suppose, and because I was lonesome after making so many big changes in my own life, and I needed something (someone) to fill the gap I'd made.
But you have a rich and complex life of your own already, with routines and habits and patterns, friends and enemies, hobbies, and a million other things.
I wanted to be part of all of that, yes, but I didn't mean to take over the whole show and inhabit all the space in the room.
But I guess I kinda did.
The thing is, I would have taken you any way I could get you, still would, really, I suppose.
Four kids, three pre-K, is just... A lot. I get that, and I never wanted to pull you away from those obligations, from being the only stable and consistent parent they've got.
I'm really trying not to write these as apologies... I think I've already made it clear I've got some regrets, but this note seems to know how it wants to end, so... Sorry about that.
I should have met you where you were, instead of pulling you along with me into a whole new future before you were ready.