So I'm gonna stick up for myself a little bit here.
Even if some of these notes are me trying to find my way back to you somehow, the fact is, you did some hurtful things, and I need to write that down, too.
I was also mean, afterwards, yes, and I'm sorry about that, full stop.
But.
It's still not okay to go dark on people for days at a time, especially after you make specific plans to meet, or call, or text.
That truly is a hard boundary for just about anyone, mainly because "talk later, sry, rough day" only takes a few seconds to type.
I get that being a solo parent is insanely hard, and I get that some of this was anxiety related for you, and I want to give that the empathy and understanding that it deserves.
But I did give you lots of grace over going dark, more than once, and I did my damnedest not to take being stood up personally. I even tried to make it all into a joke at my expense, just ask that big plush orca, or Pedro, or Steve from Support.
But it's really hard not to take it all personally, because... Those silences feel personal. Of course they do.
Super Not Cool, even, if I may be so bold.
It was also Super Not Cool to end things the way you did, with no explanation at all of what you were thinking or feeling. That felt the opposite of personal, actually.
I keep flashing back to a conversation we had about "Bird Theory" a few weeks before, when you said you didn't believe in testing people, because those messages certainly made me feel like I failed a test, or even a job interview ("not a fit", "rip off the band-aid").
It's a few weeks later, and I'm still replaying all this in my head, which isn't fun. If I knew in your own words what actually changed for you, and why, I don't think I still would be.
I do want to respect your decision, but I would feel a lot more respected myself if I understood what your motivations were, if I knew more about what you wanted and needed than basically just "go away."Â
Which was, to say it one last time, Super Not Cool.